Drew,
Oh my gosh Brother,
I am so excited, I have made it thru boot camp and am headed to Florida for training. Boot camp was hard but not as hard as I thought it would be. I made it through with flying colors. I even made a good impression on my RDC ( Recruit Division Comander)
Monday, June 22, 2020
thinking about our purpose
Hey Bud!
So today I'm kind of having a rough time. I have been struggling with what my purpose in life is right now. I know that this stupid Covid-19 has everyone that can staying home and only essential workers leaving their homes. I get that but, I have been thinking for awhile about what I want to do with my life.
I have a degree that I am not using which means I am $ 35,000 in debt for basically no reason. I know that I can be a sub and make $500 a week before taxes but I just don't know if I even want to do that anymore. I want something that I love to do and want to do not just a job.
I also know that my purpose right now is to raise your nieces and nephew to that best of my ability. I am trying my hardest to do that and so far I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I know you say that I am an amazing mom and wife, but you have to your my brother.
I just don't feel like I am contributing very much and I know that I am because if I wasn't home with the babies and the girls then someone else would be taking care of them but sometimes I just feel like I am going no where in life.
I say this because I sit and watch and see that Michael has his career now and he enjoys what he does every day. Great! I love taking care of my kids, but at the same time I do not see what I am going to be doing after that. I also see how people look at me as a stay at home mom who doesn't have a career. Or when he mentions being a sub I just hear all the voices in my head going "oh your just a sub"
So today I'm kind of having a rough time. I have been struggling with what my purpose in life is right now. I know that this stupid Covid-19 has everyone that can staying home and only essential workers leaving their homes. I get that but, I have been thinking for awhile about what I want to do with my life.
I have a degree that I am not using which means I am $ 35,000 in debt for basically no reason. I know that I can be a sub and make $500 a week before taxes but I just don't know if I even want to do that anymore. I want something that I love to do and want to do not just a job.
I also know that my purpose right now is to raise your nieces and nephew to that best of my ability. I am trying my hardest to do that and so far I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I know you say that I am an amazing mom and wife, but you have to your my brother.
I just don't feel like I am contributing very much and I know that I am because if I wasn't home with the babies and the girls then someone else would be taking care of them but sometimes I just feel like I am going no where in life.
I say this because I sit and watch and see that Michael has his career now and he enjoys what he does every day. Great! I love taking care of my kids, but at the same time I do not see what I am going to be doing after that. I also see how people look at me as a stay at home mom who doesn't have a career. Or when he mentions being a sub I just hear all the voices in my head going "oh your just a sub"
Thursday, April 23, 2020
Spring 2004
Drew,
My dear brother, I hope that you are proud of the young woman I am becoming. I am working hard at finishing my last year of High school and getting ready for the new chapter in my life of being an Adult. I have decided to join the United States Navy. I think that it will be good for me and help me get out of this one horse town. Moving here was the best and worst decision that I made. It was the best because Mom and I are closer then ever and she is so proud of me. It was the worst because of the many trials that I was put thru while living here.
Dad although he doesn't come out right and say it treats me like crap to put it plainly. Over the course of the last 5 years I have learned to hate him and the step monster as I call her. They have always treated me different even though they say they don't. I know deep down inside that it is not our kids, its her kid and their kids. They treat their kids so much better then they have me. In the first year things were great and I felt very welcome, but as time went on things started to change and not for the better.
One of the worst incidents that sticks out in my mind was the day that the Monster literally spanked my butt until I could not sit down, she left a huge bruise that I had to try to explain to Couch what happen. So what happen well the Monster thought that it would be smart to keep hitting me, spanking she says, with a 2x4, she hit me a total of 64 times.
They wonder why I tried to run away, I was not happy there and did not want to be there anymore, but no one would listen. They had everyone convinced that I was the troubled youth and that it was all in my head.
I am sorry to lay this out like this but sometimes you just have to get things out or they will eat you from the inside out.
But now that I am so close to graduating I am just biding my time. I am looking forward to the change of not being apart of their family and making a life for my self, a life that I am happy with and that I am worth having.
Wish me Luck
Lots of Love
Sissy
My dear brother, I hope that you are proud of the young woman I am becoming. I am working hard at finishing my last year of High school and getting ready for the new chapter in my life of being an Adult. I have decided to join the United States Navy. I think that it will be good for me and help me get out of this one horse town. Moving here was the best and worst decision that I made. It was the best because Mom and I are closer then ever and she is so proud of me. It was the worst because of the many trials that I was put thru while living here.
Dad although he doesn't come out right and say it treats me like crap to put it plainly. Over the course of the last 5 years I have learned to hate him and the step monster as I call her. They have always treated me different even though they say they don't. I know deep down inside that it is not our kids, its her kid and their kids. They treat their kids so much better then they have me. In the first year things were great and I felt very welcome, but as time went on things started to change and not for the better.
One of the worst incidents that sticks out in my mind was the day that the Monster literally spanked my butt until I could not sit down, she left a huge bruise that I had to try to explain to Couch what happen. So what happen well the Monster thought that it would be smart to keep hitting me, spanking she says, with a 2x4, she hit me a total of 64 times.
They wonder why I tried to run away, I was not happy there and did not want to be there anymore, but no one would listen. They had everyone convinced that I was the troubled youth and that it was all in my head.
I am sorry to lay this out like this but sometimes you just have to get things out or they will eat you from the inside out.
But now that I am so close to graduating I am just biding my time. I am looking forward to the change of not being apart of their family and making a life for my self, a life that I am happy with and that I am worth having.
Wish me Luck
Lots of Love
Sissy
Spring 1999
Dear Drew,
Hey brother,
So as you know things have not been that great with Mom, its been this way for awhile. Over the summer while Bubba and I were at Grandma's like we usually are I finally got in contact with our father. Needless to say I decided to tell Mom that I wanted to move in with him and his "new" family. She said that we would work it out and guess what? I get to move to a tiny little town in Washington. I am also going to learn what it is like to have younger siblings. We have two younger brothers and a younger sister. I am excited to go, but sad that I cannot take Bubba with me, I am going to miss him.
So after moving in with my Dad's new family , I learned lots of things about who I was as person and who my Dad's new family was.
Love you lots
Sissy
Hey brother,
So as you know things have not been that great with Mom, its been this way for awhile. Over the summer while Bubba and I were at Grandma's like we usually are I finally got in contact with our father. Needless to say I decided to tell Mom that I wanted to move in with him and his "new" family. She said that we would work it out and guess what? I get to move to a tiny little town in Washington. I am also going to learn what it is like to have younger siblings. We have two younger brothers and a younger sister. I am excited to go, but sad that I cannot take Bubba with me, I am going to miss him.
So after moving in with my Dad's new family , I learned lots of things about who I was as person and who my Dad's new family was.
Love you lots
Sissy
Changes!
As you can see there have been some changes to this blog. I have decided that it is no longer going to be a place to just write and have vent sessions. I have decided that I am going to be writing letters to my brother Andrew. Who is Andrew you might ask? Well Andrew ( Drew from now on ) is my twin brother. Yes, I was a twin. Sadly Drew did not make it to birth.
My mom told me when I was about 16 that I had a twin. She also told me that he did not make it past about 6 month gestation( in the womb) so I did not get to grow up with him nor get to do all the fun things that twins or even siblings get to do. I did how ever have a pretty awesome brother who is 4.5 years older then me, so I got some experiences with him.
So my plan from now on is to try to write a letter to him telling him about all the amazing things that my family is doing, and when something bad happens to have a that sholder to lean on even though he is not here.
Some might think that it is strange to write a letter to someone you never knew or even had a chance to know, but I think that this gives me a chance to have a connection to someone I spent time with before I was born.
I also feel that I will meet him again someday and I want to be able to reminisce like we lived on earth together, because I know that even though I did not grow up with him by my side he is still there looking out for me and watching things from above.
Hope you enjoy learning about my family and our life.
My mom told me when I was about 16 that I had a twin. She also told me that he did not make it past about 6 month gestation( in the womb) so I did not get to grow up with him nor get to do all the fun things that twins or even siblings get to do. I did how ever have a pretty awesome brother who is 4.5 years older then me, so I got some experiences with him.
So my plan from now on is to try to write a letter to him telling him about all the amazing things that my family is doing, and when something bad happens to have a that sholder to lean on even though he is not here.
Some might think that it is strange to write a letter to someone you never knew or even had a chance to know, but I think that this gives me a chance to have a connection to someone I spent time with before I was born.
I also feel that I will meet him again someday and I want to be able to reminisce like we lived on earth together, because I know that even though I did not grow up with him by my side he is still there looking out for me and watching things from above.
Hope you enjoy learning about my family and our life.
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